NEWLY IDENTIFIED MALE HORMONES

Recent scientific research has shown that males have a large number of previously unidentified hormones that only manifest under certain circumstances. Scientists are baffled by this phenomenon as no hormones have previously been discovered that are triggered by social situations.

We all know the guy that will never drink anything pink, refuse to hold his wife’s handbag in public and under no circumstances will he wear anything with pink flowers. Once this same guy becomes a father he is happy to drag pink or flowery bags and suitcases through every airport in the world. This is the result of a newly discovered hormone called “parentis hormonis” and scientists believe it is awakened in the male by the smell of babies’ nappies.

Then there is the man who refuses to shed a tear even when Bambi’s mother dies, absolutely never cries, no matter how sad the chic flic he was forced to watch is. Watch him when his team loses in the final…tears may now be shed. This hormone is called “sportis hormonis” and apparently sets in after thirty when the male stops playing any sport except golf.

There is also a certain type of man that refuses to cook anything, cooking being the women’s domain. Light a fire and he suddenly is the world’s expert in the preparation of meat. Add a black cast iron pot and he is better at vegetables and seasoning than Ina Paarman. This is the “manus braaius” hormone. It only needs naked flames to kick in and is apparently latent in all men.

Scientists have identified a number of other weird behaviours that they now attribute to these social hormones, most have no official names yet. There is the “appliance hormone” which generally manifests when a new washing machine, dryer or dishwasher has to be purchased. In a certain class of men, these appliances are never to be touched by a male, unless it is in the shop when they somehow become absolute experts and will inspect every hinge, screw and drawer and then proclaim on the inferiority of the particular brand. Generally it has been found that the more dials and displays an appliance has, the more appealing it is to this class of male. An adjunct to this phenomenon has been found, but so far not scientifically proven, it appears that the appeal of the sales lady also influences male appliance decisions.

Obviously appliances that emit music and/or visual material has always been the domain of the male and it has now been found that there is a hormone influencing their decisions here as well – the “cable hormone”. Basically it causes the male to gravitate towards appliances that require many cables that cannot be installed neatly. It has to be mentioned that some scientists in this field does not acknowledge that this in fact a hormone, but ascribe it the male innate sense of chaos. This does please chaos theorists immensely, a field dominated by men.

It has been further found that no male will admit that any female has any expert knowledge on anything that has to be plugged in to work. This is, however, not attributed to any hormone, but only to a general deficiency of confidence in the male.

Unfortunately the sources for the above cannot yet be revealed, as it has not been published in any respectable journal. Let me know if you have identified any other male hormones that explain behaviour.

OUR INDUSTRY or WHO/WHAT ARE WE? – A GENERAL RANT

We so often refer to “our industry”, but what do we actually mean and what is included in that broad description?

Let’s face it, we are made up of a lot of different components, Theatre, Corporate, Concerts, Events, Weddings, Conferences and more, and even under these there are sub-divisions. It seems like it has come down to individual definitions based on your own background with widely different inclusions.

I maintain that if there is a person performing, it is a Live Event, be that person a singer, actor, speaker or the groom, they are performing live to an audience! Can we please agree on a single term, “The Live Events Industry”?  I come from Theatre, with a lot of Corporate experience, even some Concert work, I deem myself to be part of the Live Events Industry.

So what are the differences? Why do some people feel adamant that they are only part of one section? Why do some, not all, look down on people from other parts? Really, is the guy doing sound for a conference less than the guy on the big concert? Yes, it may involve different skill levels, but the basics are the same.

All Live events require some technical assistance and of the same quality – I don’t care what part of the industry it is, if you are going to do a job, you have to do it with the total commitment and give it your best. The next person that says to me, “Oh, it is just a small show…” is so going to be smacked over the head with a piece of 3X1! (You do know what 3X1 is, don’t you?)

Please explain to me what the difference is in what a Wedding Planner and a Production Manager does? Focusing two lights for a speech is no more technically taxing than focusing 500 for a concert, it just take more time – it should be done to the same high standard, shouldn’t it?

Times are tough for our industry as a whole, anybody that claims to be getting rich at the moment is either deluded or satisfying his creditors – most are merely turning over money and often working at a loss. We all know about shrinking budgets and expanding expectations.

I remember years ago a leading producer of corporate shows’ first question to a client was what the budget is. If it was under a million rand, he was just not interested. Those days are long gone - nowadays you are just too happy to be approached and you make the show fit into the budget, however minute, and you smile because you are working.

Let’s all pull together and recognise that we are all working towards the same goals, pleasing the audience and making a living.

If your job description includes the words technical or production, you are probably part of the Live Events Industry and providing some sort of service to an event where there are performers and an audience – A Live Event.

It really does not matter exactly what you do or how big your event is, you deserve respect for the job you are doing and you should respect what you are doing by giving your all at the highest standard possible – no exceptions!

/End Rant.

FESTIVALS, FOREIGNERS AND OTHER F WORDS

There seems to be an upswing in the number of theatre festivals held around the world and I recently had the privilege of working on a show at such a festival in the Middle East. Like so many others it was billed as an “International” festival and there were shows from around the world, Australia, South Africa, China and, of course, most of the Arabic countries.

While I totally get the sense of pride and the fact that the host country wants to show off their prowess, there are a couple of complications.

The first being language. The second being language… and so forth…

I am not only talking about striking up a conversation with a fellow festival goer, I mean the technical language spoken on stage. Imagine being an English speaking theatre technician ending up in a theatre where they only speak Russian or Azeri – this has happened. In this recent case, the technical staff had some English, but very little and it seemed the vocabulary was spread amongst them.

The theatre we performed in had at least twelve technicians at the start of the setup, I still have no idea what their roles were. Three assisted in focusing the lights, all willing, friendly and extremely helpful. I called them “Little English”, “Less English” and “No English”. We ended up not referring to Profiles, Fresnels or PCs, but pointing and going “that one”. Smaller, bigger, up and down provided their own comic relief as I tried to get it across to “Little English” who was on the floor and him miss-translating to “No English” up on the ladder… Not so much fun at four o’clock in the morning and a lot of muttering of words starting with F.

We had almost no technical terms in common, despite the fact that I was familiar with their equipment, a fairly recent re-equip with all Strand fixtures, dimmers and control.

Language aside, our biggest problem was obtaining technical details in advance. Numerous e-mails were sent, misunderstood, rephrased, resent until we received a synopsis of the equipment, along the lines of “8 spots, 12 spots…” Uhmmmm, where do these hang and what are they? Until we physically saw the theatre, we did not have any idea of whether we could fly a very important prop.

I do not in any way blame the local technicians, the problem is that there was no single technical person in charge of the festival (only two venues) that we could communicate with. There was no list of equipment with venue plans. We literally walked in there not having a clue what to expect.

Please festival organisers, appoint a Technical Director that knows the venues, can speak the local language and theatre Technical English and can go through the various shows’ tech riders and answer questions.

  

A single technical point of contact, is all we ask.